just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
