Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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