She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
