u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize