Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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