I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize