Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
