dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
