I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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