so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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