He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize