My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
