Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
