I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
