Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It's never too late to be topless.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
