I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
