Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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