i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Randomize
