I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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