do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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