when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
