don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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