Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
