everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
