Just took my morning after pill in the library
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
