My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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