My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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