I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
