Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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