how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
