I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
