is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
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