I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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