i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
