Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
This is classic penis vs brain.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
