4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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