"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
