Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize