I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
