I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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