Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
