Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Ketchup is God's man juice
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
