He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
