I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
