I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
