I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize