What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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