We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I have aggressive nipples.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
