All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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