I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
