morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
