his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
