how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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