My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
