I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Come share oat with me in your robe
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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