Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
