dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
