I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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