did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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