You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
