Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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