I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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