Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
