If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
