can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
