Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
