Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
