Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
