i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
