i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
