If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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