just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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