Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
