I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
