4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
