the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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