Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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