Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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