What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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