i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
What did we do last night that was yellow?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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