I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Randomize
