shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
