I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize