She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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