Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
