Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
