I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize