so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You are a genius and a whore.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
